From Enemy to Ally: Shifting Your Relationship with Anxiety
For many women—especially high-achievers—anxiety can feel like an ever-present shadow. It shows up uninvited in meetings, during quiet moments at home, or late at night when your mind won’t stop racing. And because it feels so uncomfortable, the natural response is often to fight it, suppress it, or beat ourselves up for feeling it in the first place.
But what if the problem isn’t that we experience anxiety—what if the problem is how we relate to it?
Instead of treating anxiety as the enemy, we can begin to shift our relationship with it. When we stop resisting anxiety and start listening to it with compassion, we open the door to a healthier, more empowering relationship with ourselves.
Understanding Anxiety as a Messenger
Anxiety is not a flaw in your personality—it’s a function of your nervous system. At its core, anxiety is your body’s way of saying, “Something might need your attention.” It’s trying to protect you, to keep you safe, to prepare you for what’s next.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Yes, it can be loud and persistent. But it’s also rooted in something human: your desire to do well, to be prepared, to care. When we shift from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is my anxiety trying to tell me?”—we begin to move from criticism to curiosity.
Gently Thanking Your Anxiety
Here’s a practice you can try: the next time anxiety shows up, pause and acknowledge it with kindness.
“Thank you, anxiety, for trying to protect me.”
“Thank you for reminding me that I care.”
“I see you. I’m safe right now.”
This small act of gratitude softens the inner tension. It moves you out of a fight-or-flight response and into a place of greater self-awareness. You don’t have to agree with everything anxiety says—but you can learn to respond to it instead of react to it.
Using Anxiety for Good
Once you’ve acknowledged anxiety instead of pushing it away, you can begin to ask how it might be useful. For example:
Is it pointing to an unmet need—like rest, reassurance, or boundaries?
Is it highlighting a value—like integrity, preparation, or connection?
Is it showing you where you’re stretching beyond your comfort zone?
When viewed through this lens, anxiety becomes a tool—not a trap. It can help you slow down, evaluate your choices, and take intentional action instead of running on autopilot.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Your Anxiety
Anxiety may visit often, but it doesn’t define you. It’s not a weakness or a flaw—it’s a signal. And while you may not be able to control when it arrives, you can always choose how you respond to it.
By shifting from resistance to relationship, from judgment to gentleness, you begin to take your power back. You create space for healing, growth, and compassion—both for your anxiety and for yourself.
And that is a form of strength that no to-do list or accomplishment can ever measure.
